Adult in Training

So I was chatting with my Aunt Pauline today about American Idol.  This season is pretty lame, and there aren’t that many good contestants, in my opinion.  Which doesn’t really count, since I know nothing about music.  But, nonetheless, there you have it.  And this week was “70’s Week”.  All I really remember about music from the 70’s is the one tape that my parents had in the Astro for road trips.  And it stank.  So I didn’t expect much this week.  Which is why I was surprised that I knew some of the songs.  But what I am really waiting for is: 80’s Week

I was born in 1985.  Which means that I missed out on five glorious years in the 80’s and was useless for the rest of them.  While I can’t say that I missed out on the stir-up pant craze (even though I wore the stir-ups outside of my shoes, to avoid that odd-looking knee-bump that makes it look like your knees are always bent) I missed out on quality things, like learning the dance to “Thriller” and wearing lacy, fingerless gloves while dancing to Madonna.  I would trade My Little Pony in a heartbeat.    So now I have to live the best decade ever vicariously through my aunt and VH1’s “I Love The 80’s” in all it’s incarnations.  It’s sad.

The reason I think the 80’s are so fabulous is probably the same reason I love to watch the first rounds of American Idol: It’s a train-wreck.  The 80’s were a glorious train-wreck, in the best sense of the word.  And I feel like I missed so much of them.

For one thing, I have a terrible memory. So for me to remember anything about the 80’s, I would have to remember things before I was five.  Want to know what I remember?  Blowing out the candles on my second birthday cake and… being scared for this kid in my JK class because he climbed out of the window one day – for no reason that I can remember.  That’s it.  At one point I was the proud owner of a black velvet dress with three ruffles in green, pink and gold metallic organza.  Better than stir-up pants by far on the fashion disaster scale.  Santa brought it for me, and I loved it dearly. 

But for me, that’s not enough.  The only thing I was singing along to during the 80’s was Fred Penner.  And New Kids on the Block, we can’t forget them.  My mom enjoyed many a New Kids’ concert from the comfort of our living room, don’t let her tell you otherwise.  My skills were such that I could perform the songs while doing my own choreography – which on more than one occasion involved an exercise trampoline.  But does that really compare to the cultural phenomenon that was Thriller?

And so that’s why I’m jealous.  The 90’s were fun an all, and we had some good times, but my heart will always belong to the decade that got away.

Tonight we are supposed to have a lunar eclipse.  I assume that it would be the same in Toronto as it would in New Hampshire. Of course, I only assume that because we are in the same time zone, and I really don’t know anything about lunar eclipses. Or solar eclipses for that matter.  The only thing that I remember about solar eclipses is the last one happened when I was in grade three, and my class and the grade four class watched it on TV.  And when I went home for lunch all the kids in my class told me that I was going to go blind, so I walked home with my eyes pretty much shut, and made my brother do the same thing.  And people thought I didn’t love him.

However, this line of thought has led me to a gem of wisdom I wish to share with you all:  Surround yourselves with useful people.  That is the best advice that I can ever give a person.  I myself have very few skills.  I can write fairly well, it’s certainly my best skill.  I play a little puck.  Hmm.. I bring comedy value sometimes.  And I am usually reliable for things in general.  So I surround myself with people who have other skills.  Like, I let Carboni stay in the house (!) because she has science skills, and so whenever I have a science-based question (like why is the upstairs of our house always colder than the downstairs?) she can be counted on for a good answer.  I keep Katie around because she is a mom-in-training, and I let her practice her skills on me.  Because I’m a generous person. I keep Berman around because she is funny, but she has a better memory than me and therefore is like better version of me for most things.  Plus she is not afraid to bully me when I need it, and she understands when I talk gibberish.

And the same thing at home too.  The friends I still talk to at home are the ones that can understand me, even when Idon’t understant myself.   It took them years of training though. I’ve been friends with Ashley and Michelle for so long that none of us really remember why we became friends in the first place. 

Surround yourself with people who have skills.  Every person should know: a lawyer, a mechanic, a police officer or a fireman and a carpenter.  And then you’ve basically covered all the important grounds.  Because then if you have trouble with the law, your car or your house, you’ll have someone who can help you, or at least offer valuable advice.  And really, what other problems can you have in your life?  Maybe I should add a mathematician.  For that I have my friend Bean, who is in school to become a high school math teacher, she’s good with the logic.  And sometimes you need someone to look and you and tell you that you should just stop talking, because everyone that can hear you is losing brain cells.  Not only a good friend to you, but a friend to humanity.

But, I digress.  The moon has almost totally been eclipsed, and is about to start changing colours.  And I still need to have Carboni explain why.

Alright friends, here’s the scoop.  My friends Carl and Gonzo have decided to grace us with their presence for the weekend.  After I wiped away my tears of joy, it was time to go to work. FOREVER!  I went to work at 3:00, got home at 10:00  Which seems like less than the usual person works, but I was standing in a cold rink for the whole time.  I’m not asking you to cry tears of sympathy for me, but I think you need to have a brief understanding of how sore my knees are right now.  Imagine your grandparents after standing outside for seven hours.  It’s ugly.

So the plan: drink my face off with the rest of the Canadian beer that I have left so that I can sleep through the night, pain free.  Plus, it’s not every day that Carl and Gonzo are here.  And I have sworn a pledge to Gonzo that I will not be lame this weekend.  And Gonzo can very easily kick my ass, Brazilian Jiu Jitsu or not.

So wish me luck friends. Because I have another hellish day ahead of me tomorrow.  Back to back hockey games again.  By myself this time.

So I asked my boss for more work yesterday.  Carboni came back yesterday and pointed out to me that I am spending an awful lot of time talking to either the TV or Avalanche.  And while I don’t think that talking to your pets (or the TV for that matter) is necessarily wrong, I would be lying if I said that I woke up every day with too much to do.  So I decided that maybe a little extra work would be just the thing I needed to help convince people that there wasn’t a need for medication in my future.  My boss, Renee, is nothing if not awesome, and she had just the thing in mind for me.

Hometown Press Releases.  Did you know that if you are a collegiate athlete, your school’s sports information department sends a press release to the local paper at both the middle of your sport’s season and again at the end, detailing all the things you did that season?  Neither did I, until this year.  But it’s true.  Even if you’ve only played in one game, for like a minute and done virtually nothing to help your team.  Do you know how hard it is to write a press release for someone like that?  “So and So played in one game for her school this year.  She has no statistics to speak of, and should go home and practice harder for next season.” 

And that’s what I’m doing right now.  Instead of talking to my dog and the TV, I will be doing a lot more sighing at my computer.  And possibly some throwing my arms up in the air.  And there will be plenty of eye-drops, since nothing dries my eyes out quite like staring at the computer for three hours at a time.  The only thing that I really have to be excited about is the fact that our women’s basketball team is so ghetto this year that they only have ten players this year.   That, and the fact that people won’t think that I’m crazy, so maybe it’s worth it.