Adult in Training

So I’m used to being somewhat sexually harassed at POE.  That sounds weird to say, but it is what it is.  I work with a bunch of guys.  And it’s not an office, where everyone is always using their manners, it’s POE, where I swear like a trucker and have inappropriate comments made either to me or around me all the time.  Which is why I’ve sort of grown used to it. 

It started with my Sexual Harasser.  We’ll call him Dick, though that wasn’t his real name.  Dick was the only guy I worked with that was my age.  And usually when we were split into smaller teams, my team would be me, Dick and this other guy we’ll call Kyle.  So I spent a lot of time with Dick.  And he spent a lot of time making inappropriate comments which ranged from: “So how often do you masturbate?” to: “I want to lick you.”  And at first I was like a deer in the headlights.  I’d like to think that most nice girls would be.  But then, after like a month of these comments coming at me every night, all night, I became desensitized. 

Sadly, Dick was fired.  POE totally discriminates against kleptomaniacs.

After Dick left, I thought that I would be a harassment free zone.  It was not to be.  Instead, I became – jokingly – Kyle’s mistress.  We would still get split up into smaller groups, but with Dick gone, mine was usually just me and Kyle.  But Kyle was funny about it.  It was more dirty innuendo and plays on words.  Kyle’s favourite is: “Can’t find the hole… no hair.”  I will admit, it shocked me at first, but now it’s sort of like an inside joke, and I laugh whenever one of the new guys say “I can’t find the hole!”  It’s not my hole they’re looking for, so why should I be offended?

There is one guy at work, we’ll call him Jason, who teases me a lot.  He’s a grandfather, so it’s like the token dirty, old man.  He says inappropriate things to me all the time, and teases me about how much time I spend with Kyle, but he’s also old.  My grandpa does crazy, weird things all time time. So when I ask Jason what’s up and his response is: “Nothing, yet…” accompanied by a lewd hand gesture, I take it in stride.

But there are some things that I cannot take.

Last night at work, Jason came in late.  When he saw me later on, working, he came over.  “Don’t get mad at me if I tell you something.”  Okay.  I guess.  Though, I get nervous when people preface comments like that.  “Last night, in my dream, we were having sex.”  WHAT!?!?!  Why would you ever tell me that!?!?!  I was a deer in the headlights all over again, and I’m pretty sure that all I could muster in response was an awkward laugh and an attempt to leave.  Jason followed.

“You know it’s going to happen, right?”  Well, actually, no.  For a number of reasons, not the least of which being the fact that you are a married grandfather!  But when I reminded him of the fact that he was married, he brushed it off.  And when I told him that I wasn’t that type of girl, he told me that you don’t need to be any type of girl for it to happen.  So I told him that even if that was true, the girl would still be a home-wrecker.  He couldn’t deny it, and I was able to get away.

But I still feel itchy all over when I think about it.  Why can’t I attract nice, single guys my own age?  Instead I seem to attract perverted baby-daddys (Dick) or dirty, old men (Jason).  Clearly, I am doing something wrong.  And clearly, I need to get a Big Girl Job, where I won’t be sexually harassed in the work place.