Adult in Training

I have tried to explain to the guys I work with that most days it would be safer for everyone if I wasn’t allowed to leave the house.  They think I am exaggerating.  It might be because I have something of a tendency to exaggerate.  But in this case, I am not.  My time at POE has left me with more bumps, bruises and scars than all my other jobs combined.  It’s absurd.  Just the other day, I was shaving, and had to skip a huge patch on my shin, because a bruise there made it too painful to run a razor over the skin.  Before that, one of my bosses asked me if I was depressed because I now have gross scars on my forearms that sort of make me look like a cutter.  Cool.  And the best part?  Knowing that I inflicted every single one of these injuries on myself.  The boys at work are so careful around me, I think they would die where they stood if they ever hurt me.

My driving is another thing all together.  I have always maintained that, minus a few incidents, I have a very good driving record.  I like to drive fast, but it keeps my mind on the road.  I like to play loud music, but instead of distracting me, it helps me to focus.  I’m not really sure how.  I guess it would be like playing music while doing homework; it blocks everything else out. But now I can officially say that I have become a hazard on the road.  Why, you may ask?

Because I only have one working windshield wiper, and it’s on the passenger side!  That’s right.  My windshield wiper chose to break during the week that we are supposed to get precipitation every single day.  Last night I had to start my car then, standing beside my car, I had to move the wiper myself a couple times.  Then I got back in the car and drove like a mad woman all the way to work, all the time avoiding driving behind anyone who might spray their tire shit up onto my windshield.  By the time I got to work, I had about 60% visibilty.

So I took my car to Canadian Tire when I woke up – after checking the weather see that we are supposed to get either rain, snow or a mixture of both all night long.  I thought I was being a responsible car owner.  Only when I got there – four hours before they were supposed to close – the lady told me that if they took my car all apart – I hadn’t realized that it would be such an ordeal – they wouldn’t be able to get me parts this late.  Sweet.

So if you are driving down the road tonight and you see a crazy person with the window rolled down and a windshield wiper in their hand, frantically trying to clear the windshield of all the crap that’s falling from the sky, you’ll know it’s me.  Because only someone as hazardous to themselves and others as I am could work themselves into such a predicament.