Adult in Training

I am struggling like whoa this year with my Christmas List.  Usually, I have to admit, I kick it’s ass.  Starting a little after American Thanksgiving (last weekend) I make a list of all the people I’m getting presents for, and what I’m getting them.  And then, following this carefully laid-out list, I shop until I drop.  Which isn’t as dangerous as it sounds, because usually I am shopping from  the comfort of a couch or chair, as I am a HUGE supporter of online shopping.  And an equally huge hater of each and every mall from November through December.  If I am honest, I hate malls all the time, but will occassionally brave them.  However, you had better be Jesus if you think I’m going to a mall for you from now until New Year’s.

This year I am coming up blank though.  Absolutely blank.  I’ve bought one present.  And I didn’t even come up with this idea on my own, it was broadly hinted to me, so I’m not really counting it as a stroke of genius, like I do most of my presents.  I know what I’m getting my boys, and I have to say I sort of impressed myself with those gifts.  “The Dangerous Book for Boys – Canadian Edition”. I am excited for them.  Even though one of them can’t read English yet – though he reads better French than I do.  There is a lot of stuff to do in there, and frankly, if you are going to do it all, you have to start quite young. 

And I’ve already had a super awkward moment for Christmas. I was out with my brother, and we were looking at some magazines and I was all like: “Hey, I was thinking about getting Dad a magazine subscription for Christmas. Does he like to read anything?”  Do you know what his response was? “He reads Playboy.” Oh, does he?  I don’t really care, and neither am I particularly suprised.  But that is not an appropriate gift from a daughter.  And frankly, not something I want showing up on my credit card statement.  Call me crazy.  My brother does.  He can’t understand why it makes me itchy just to think about it.  Needless to say, Dad is just one of the many people on my list that I am struggling with.

It all combines to make me sad.  I love Christmas shopping (minus malls).  It puts me in the Christmas mood almost as much as when “W” channel starts playing like three Christmas movies a day.  And this year I am drawing all blanks.  It’s like all my warm, Christmas-y feelings are being trapped behind my Gifter’s Block.  I worry that I may be forced to brave the malls, just to get my creative juices flowing. On the other hand, I’m not sure who would want to get a gift that I was inspired to buy while I contemplated killing an entire family who decided it was a good idea to hold a Family Meeting at the top of the escalator, forcing me to climb in place until I could get them to notice me, and the other twenty people getting pissed-off behind me (Both a nightmare and a true story).

So wish me luck.  And if you are one of those people getting presents from me this year, keep yourself warm at night with the thought that while no animals were harmed in making your present, small children may have died in my quest to get it.