Adult in Training

Hear yee, hear yee.  The latest issue of The NewEnglander (and yes, I left the space out on purpose, although what purpose I am not sure) has come out, and so I would like to take this time to share my latest gem with each and every one of you.

           I was hanging out the other day, watching a little TV, oddly enough.  I was waiting for a commercial so I could go and get a snack without missing anything.  By the time the first commercial rolled around, I felt like I was on the verge of dying from hunger.  Until I realized that it had only been eleven minutes since the show had started.  Really?

            Was I perhaps in a time-warp?  Had I inadvertently fallen into a worm hole?  Or could it be that I’m so used to cramming so many things into every minute of my day, I find it odd when I can sit for more than seven minutes, without having to do anything?  And I really don’t even have that many things to do, compared to most people.

            The fact of the matter is that in today’s society we are all over-stimulated.  We are all so used to multi-tasking and getting the most out of our time, we don’t have the opportunity to enjoy anything that we’re doing.

            Raise your hand if you have ever found yourself watching TV, doing homework and IMing at the same time.  Or talking on the phone, while trying to cook dinner and check your email.  Guilty.  I try and multi-task all the time.  I stink at it, but I continue to try valiantly.  But why?

            Why should I have to?  Why does it always feel like there aren’t enough hours in the day?  If I feel like I have to continually split my attention, what’s going to happen to me once I have a real life, with a real job and real responsibilities?  Because, if I am honest, there aren’t that many things I have to do in the average day right now.  So then, why am I writing this column, while doing laundry and watching America’s Next Top Model?

            The human brain is an amazing machine.  There’s no denying that.  But even today’s fastest computers can’t multi-task.  It seems like they can, but in reality they flip-flop back and forth between tasks, fast enough that you don’t notice. 

            The human brain works similarly.  According to Hal Pasher, a psychology professor at the University of California at San Diago, unless you’re doing something as menial as walking, or breathing, you aren’t actually multi-tasking, your brain is flip-flopping back and forth very quickly.  Unless you are me, and then it flips, but doesn’t really flop back to where it came from, it flops back to somewhere else.  Unhelpful.

            Regardless, no matter how many things you think you can do at one time, you aren’t doing them as well as you could if that was the only thing you were paying attention to.  Your homework will always have fewer errors if you aren’t IMing and talking on the phone at the same time.  And the person on the phone will likely feel more appreciated if you don’t forget what you are saying every other sentence.  And the person you’re IMing will feel more appreciated if they don’t have time to cook a turkey in between your responses.  Everyone wins.

            I will be the first to extol the wonders of the internet – especially since it’s the only way a broke girl can talk to her family long-distance.  But it seems I’ve traded more accessibility for a more demanding lifestyle.  The exact same things that are supposed to be making my life easier are in reality just making it easier for other people to demand more of me. For me to expect more out of each minute.  

            When did it become normal to do everything at the same time?  Why should I feel lazy when I’m only doing one thing at a time?  When did silence and relaxation become scary?  Apparently it happened while I was busy paying attention to something else.

Every girl I know believes in the value of a little retail therapy.  How can you deny the scientific data?  Everyone knows that when you are having a bad day, giving yourself a present is a great way to feel better.  Unless you are having a bad day because you are overdrawn, in which case buying anything is likely a bad idea.

I love the mall as much as the next person. Well, that’s actually a lie, I don’t really like most malls, because I have a fear of large crowds, and at the mall near my house it’s full of like slutty teenage girls and crazy Asian moms with like toddlers running willy-nilly.  Its hellish for me.  There are stores that I much prefer.

The Home Depot.  I love the HD. Which, might seem odd because I don’t really have any skills that pertain to building or painting or anything that involves tools… or really any useful skills at all.  But I do know how to jump a car now, thanks to George, the resident Athletic Department Handy-Man.  Now, if only I knew how to hot-wire a car, I would consider myself set.  But I love the HD because inside there exists such possibilities.  If a person had skills, there are so many choices!  You could make almost anything. Fix almost anything. Be prepared for almost anything.  And, if you don’t have skills, they are willing to teach you.  How can you not be impressed with that?  It feels almost magical at the HD.

The other stores I am a sucker for are the Target/Zellers/Wal-Mart-types.  The stores that sell everything you could ever want. And at a reasonable price.  I love the feelings that no matter what I need, it’s likely that these stores will have it.  And each of these stores have certain other perks.  For example the Wal-Mart near my school has a high concentration of mullets and/or NASCAR fans.  And assorted other weirdos.  The Target near my school has the best cards, t-shirts and some pretty cool furniture.  And Zellers is Canadian.  Enough said.

Unfortunately, the only thing I feel like I’ll be buying in the near future is gas for my car.  Because I am that cool.

Ever since Ben came home and told Nanny that I sucked at snowboarding, I have been on a mission to suck less.  I started out slow, keeping to the easy slopes.  I went yesterday with Katie and Carboni and CJ.  And all of them are better than me.  I was definitely the slow girl holding up the line.  Because I am still really nervous about going fast.  Because it hurts more when you wipe out – which for me is often.  And also, I don’t really know how to “carve”.  I still like to “feather” which is like the difference between driving on a street, and idling around the parking lot.

So today Berman and I went by ourselves.  Because that way we can work at a slower pace.  And we spent the day on the beginning beginner’s hill.  Which is basically flat.  And it was raining, but that just made the snow softer when we ate shit.  It was pretty cool, since we had the entire “hill” to ourselves, which meant no one to laugh at us.  While Berman was learning basically how to get down the hill without injuring herself, I practiced carving.  Which didn’t really go that well for me.  Almost every time I went to my toe side, I fell.  And it didn’t really slow me down, which was the effect I was hoping for.  It seems to bode ill for me when I get onto a real hill.

Afterwards I went to the rink to check in with Renee, who gave me the delightful task of end-of-season hometown releases.  And then made a phone call to my other boss Lori and all I heard from her end of the conversation was “Yeah, she’s even wearing snow pants” and “I don’t know if she’d get up on the roof”.  Nervous?  After she got off the phone, she offered me an opportunity I couldn’t say no to.  Lori was going to pay me $100 to shovel her roof.  Hell yes I will risk falling off a roof into three feet of snow for $100!  I fell of the top row of the bleachers for free.

I will say this though: Should I ever own my own house, where it snows a lot, I think I’d invest in tin roofs.  At home, I don’t think we’ve ever had to shovel our roof.  And it’s shingle.  But apparently it’s not uncommon here in New Hampshire.  It’s also not very easy.  While I managed to leave with my limbs intact, I am paying for it now.  Heavy, heavy snow.  Flinging it off a roof.  While it was raining.  Awesome.  I’d do it again in a heart beat, as I am broke, but I am going to be more than a little sore in the morning.  In fact, I was more than a little sore after I lay down in my bed for 45 minutes to warm up after I got home.

So all in all, one of the most productive days I’ve had since I came back in January.  Sweet.  It’s a good feeling.